Chained crow
by wolvera88
Summary: thoughts of a rockstar's playmate.not sure about rating!
1. Chapter 1

Chained crow

my latest one, i plan to add a second chapter soon. inspired by:Marilyn Manson. a little different from the other two fics but i hope you'll like it. warning:it has a few rather nasty words. well, that's what i've learnt from school's english- lessons of culture. i learned even more in London but i managed not ot overdo it. enjoy!

Chained crow

"_When I said we_

_You know I meant me and_

_When I said sweet_

_I mean dirty"_

_Marilyn Manson _

I am a whore. His whore. His name doesn't let him get away with anything so we pretend. In front of the public I am his girlfriend—well, more like someone he can show off.

They call me the Battousai' s woman. Yeah, that's him. An infamous rock star and the devil itself. And Devil needs to be seen as a bad guy so he found me and offered a job. I didn't have a choice, and now when he claps, I jump, dress myself up in black from head to toe and give a show to the media.

But people don't know the real Battousai. Violent lyrics and black leather—that is what they see and not the man. I admit, I was the same at first—I thought that he was cruel, merciless and even a bastard. Yet, we fucked. I had many bruises and my body hurt everywhere because he was a rough lover. Sometimes still is, when he is frustrated.

I didn't let myself getting to know him but after a month or so we talked. Actually, it was a small conversation about everyday things: food, colors, books, and, of course, music. That time, I didn't dare to ask about him directly and he didn't ask either. Then slowly we've begun opening up and now we have a friendship- like bond with occasional sex on top.

There is a myth about his fiancée among Battousai' s fans but none of them knows the truth. Well, I do. Battousai has a serious girlfriend ( fiancée), but she doesn't want any attention so my cover is still on. I met her once. Yukishiro Tomoe. An elegant, a bit shy woman but I can see why he loves her. She can give him peace in between his troublesome appearances and concerts. Tomoe doesn't know that I have sex with her boyfriend and I don't intend to open her eyes.

I enjoy my time with Battousai. Mostly. Nowadays I'm confused. Instead of his roughness, he shows gentleness towards me. It's almost as if we were making love. And he talks to me a lot about everything. He is one of the smartest people I know. He reads a lot, writes stories—different from his imagined demeanor. He likes philosophy and does charity- work, incognito. Now I usually laugh when I hear someone talking about him as a Satanist. I believe that he's more of a saint than some at the church. Life is full of irony!

One if them is that I've fallen for him. Pathetic! After we've gotten closer, I yearned for his company and waited for every meeting with him. I'm so miserable when he goes to Tomoe after our sessions. Like now!

He's still asleep beside me, an unusual sight. Mostly he'd just leave with an ' I'll see you' and that's it. Now I can watch him freely. During our wild sex his long strands have gotten free from the high- ponytail, Battousai' s style. Like blood, his hair spreads across on the bed. There are women who could kill for such look and his is natural too. Sometimes when the light falls onto him in a certain angle, it's like a red halo around his head.

He lies on his side, one arm pillowing his head, the other is close to my skin. I can see his profile—they say that men can't be described as beautiful but he is. Cute or handsome, even the sexy words don't suit him. His eyes are closed but I know that if he looks up, I'll gaze into hazy golden orbs. My hand is aching to touch his smooth skin and draw his x- shaped scar around on his left cheek but I don't do that. After fucking, things go back to their normal line and if I do what I'd want so much, it would be too intimate. I can't and won't risk our fragile bond.

Instead, I do what he used to do. Silently dressing up I leave the room and head home. It's better this way. From the doorway I steal another glance at him and finally go for my cab.

"So you're the Battousai' s woman?" the driver asks me. He is a new one, originally a younger man takes me home, who knows me.

"Not really!" It slips out. Fuck! I shouldn't let my bitterness overtake my mind. I guess that soon I have to stop this madness with Battousai before I lose it! Things could get out of hand if I'm not careful enough.

Finally I'm home. I live alone since my parents died years ago. After their death I joined to a group, one that every parent's nightmare. My life turned up- side- down. I slept at daylight and night means life. I went from guy to guy, drank a lot and even tried light drugs but the latest were not my thing. Then, many boyfriends later I've met Battousai—well, I went to one of his concerts. From then on, it's history…

I can't sleep. Changing from my black leather- pants and shirt, I put on a loose T- shirt which has a huge Snoopy at the front. What!? I like tales! Grey boxers hang on my hips—they are from one of my previous boyfriends whom I let in. I haven't done it with all of them.

I know I look funny but I feel comfortable. My hair is pulling my head and I'm relieved when I untie it from the ponytail.

I don't even glance at my TV but step to my PC and quickly make a playlist from various artists. Of course I can't ignore Battousai so a few of his songs will be played as well. After the music begins I decide to sit to my favorite place. One thing I like in my home is the view from my livingroom. I can see a shrine's park. During the summer many children are out there, playing and I often watch them, sitting out in the window..

This time it's too late for kids so I have a book as company. Fairytales are still my favorite stories, despite that I don't really look like a person who likes them. Sometimes I wish to be the heroine since my real life isn't so magical. It's more like a dark angster or a thriller than a tale. Or even a porn sometimes.

I don't know how long have I been sitting at the window but knocking snaps me out of my fantasies. Who the hell is it at in hour like this?have I mentioned that is two am?

Opening the door I have my mouth open in surprise. What is He doing here?

"You've left." He doesn't even wait for invitation but steps in and locks the door behind him. I could hear slight anger in his voice.

"What are you doing here?" I hear my voice. It sounds nothing like mine, more than a tired and miserable woman's.

"I wanted to spend time with you so I came." He talks casually, like it's an everyday thing that he stands in my flat. Which leads me to my next question.

"How do you know where I live?"

"Connections." Why am I not surprised?

I don't really want him now, I'd just like to clear my head a little. So I lie. "I've just prepared to sleep."

"Perfect." Why, oh why have I thought that it would work?! I am stupid. I should have said that I have someone here but wouldn't it be suspicious? Never mind, it's too late anyway…

The song that is playing is one of his and I see his smirk but he doesn't say a word. Good. I switch off my computer and silence fills the room. I can feel his gaze on me and I'm tapping my foot. Screw nervousness! "What?" I bark at him.

"I just haven't seen you like this, ever. Different from your attires!" he is shrugging.

"You just don't know me well enough!" I tell him sharply.

"Touché." Isn't he a son of a bitch? Ok, I give up for tonight.

"I'll prepare you a bed, ok?" I say after a moment but he stops me.

"I'm sleeping with you." He's impossibly bossy. Isn't he supposed to ask if it's all right with me?

"You should just go home! Our playtime has ended hours ago!" I am harsh but I can't help it. I don't want to deal with him and with my feelings for him right now. Any other time, I wouldn't dare talking back to him. Not to the Battousai.

"Kaoru!"

Now that's a surprise! He doesn't call me by my name. it's always 'woman' or something like that. I'm beginning to think that he has problems at home. Not that I know much of his personal life. All in all, cruelty is not my thing so I nod to him.

"Come to sleep!"

My bed is not huge like the ones we used to have sex and not even that comfortable but he doesn't complain. Or at least I don't see anything on his face, neither in his eyes.

Next surprise: he's undressing. Got to give it to Battousai, he has nice body. Slim but strong but not like a wrestler's. Get a grip, Kamiya!!

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I burst out.

"Leather is not comfortable to sleep in. You've seen everything already!" Comes the reply and I can't fight back. He's right, I've seen him and have done much more. Too late to whine about it!

He lies down, waiting for me but I'm frozen into one spot. He's in my bed, for real. Fuck, I'm behaving like a fucking virgin! Shit!

"Aren't you sleepy, Kaoru? Come here!" he's inviting me into MY bed!

"Right…" I answer and lie beside him hesitantly and he switches off my nightlight.

Before I could imagine hat I'm alone, I feel his hands on me as he's trying to take off my clothes. I look at him questioningly—I wonder how he can see in the dark. It seems that he has got cat- eyes.

"You don't need these." I hear his deep, dark voice next to my ear and a few seconds later I'm completely naked. Still not knowing what to do I decide to turn onto my side, my back towards him. "Good night!"

His arms are sliding around me, chaining my body to his warm one. Now I'm tense and he can feel it. He's leaning to my ear again, his breath brushes against my skin, making me shiver. " Relax."

Raping myself I obey him but my brain just wouldn't stop working. He doesn't embrace me even after sex! And this is after sex! Very much after sex, in fact!

"Kaoru, sleep! "

How the fuck does he know that I don't sleep?! Sighing, I finally let go of the mess in my head and closing out his presence I manage to drift into a light sleep. God, help me…

END(for now)

AN: what do you think? deserves another chap. in Battousai's pov?


	2. Chapter 2

Chained crow

AN: Sorry, shorter than I wanted but i think it's enough. and maybe there's a third chapter to it: years later, only from Kao's pov. how would you like it?i'm not sure about it, though... OK, enjoy!

Chapter 2

„_What's my name, what's my name?_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT"_

_Marilyn Manson_

… I'm watching her as she's sleeping. During unconsciousness, she had buried her head into my chest and now her whole body slides against mine. She's smaller than Tomoe, my real girlfriend—or should I say fiancée?—and somehow when we are like this, I feel that it's perfect.

Holy shit, what am I thinking?! I have a wonderful woman and I'm supposed to be happy with her, still, I want more of Kaoru every time I meet her. Like tonight… usually I am the first who leaves because I have a feeling that if I stay with her after I bedded her that would mean the end of me. I've known ever since I've met her that she's dangerous of my lifestyle. However that hasn't stopped me from claiming her body and later, her mind. To keep my distance, I was harsh with her, mostly still am. But Kaoru managed to shatter my barrier little by little and she doesn't know about it but I consider her as more than a cover for Tomoe. She's not my doll but a woman who knows more about my darker side than I've ever shown to anyone, including my girlfriend. Kaoru is my shelter and sometimes I feel like she is even more than that… I'm not sure though.

Earlier when I woke up and felt that the bed was empty beside me, I was angry! It's occured to me that she must feel the same way every time I leave her alone without a goodbye. After the first shock I realized that I want to spend the night with her so I called my manager and friend, Sagara Sanosuke, knowing that he has Kaoru's address.

I'm going to remember her face at the doorway forever. And her nightclothes! I'd never seen her dress like that but it suits her. Then and there it has dawned on me that I don't really know her like I would want to. Somehow the funny T- shirt and underpants fit her. And also the book of tales. I've seen her put it on her desk at the livingroom. Somehow it is all made me relive my past, my real nature, the idealist. Slowly I've began losing it as I've gotten deeper in my dark world that is surrounds me now. I can remember myself, the odd teenager, called Himura Kenshin, who only wanted to speak up against a wrong system. I've sung about everything that I hate but as time passed, I've lost sight of my true aims.

Kaoru helps me. She'd probably never know it… and there's still Tomoe. The woman I have met when I was still 'normal'. I guess she's the only one who has stayed with me from the old days. Like a reminder. Do not misunderstand, I love her! She's nice and means a break from my hasty life as a star. But nowadays I am not sure about how I love her… once I could say that I loved her without hesitance and I'd meant that as in true love. Now I'm not sure… she's silent, patient and when she smiles, I can't feel that everything's fine. She has a sadness that I can't place. This girl, Kaoru, however lacks that quietness and has so much passion that she makes me do things from heart again. It's a bit scary!

With this all, I couldn't choose between them. I guess time will tell and I have a feeling that it'll be not me who decide but the girl right beside me. She will be the one who's going to break our bond. I know how she looks at me, even if I don't say a world or show it by gestures. She's falling for me but she is already aware of the damage I could cause and that is why she'd want to break out from my grasp. The only question is that will I let her go? Will I be able to continue this fake show without her smiles?

I don't know. As things are now, I can be the biggest asshole in the universe and using my charms on her, I'd be able to seduce her back even against her will. Maybe I will do just that but until then I have time so now I'm just watching her. It's her freedom from the invisible chains that I've bound her to myself. Without her knowledge, this freedom is watched too— I can't let my bird, my dark crow, escape from me… not yet…

END


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, guys, i've the last chapter, finally! I can't believe that after all these weeks, I was able to do it. Yesterday, I just didn't know what to do and the idea just came to me. I hope you find it as good as I do!

I can't believe my eyes! After all these years he's standing in front of me, as beautiful, as ever. The years hardly left traces on his face, only his gaze shows his age. Now his orbs are an unusual shade of violet with only a ting of the familiar gold. Not near as scary and intimidating as they were once.

"It's good to see you again." He says. Part of me is glad to hear that. It is good. He's disappeared from the stage completely a few years ago. I've been gone before he made his decision so I don't know his reasons. Officially, he says that he's old but I don't think that is the truth.

"How are you?" I ask finally, getting over the heaviness of his presence.

"Fine, I guess. You?"

"Been better." I answer honestly. "I have a decent job at a local paper, a smaller one. They've discovered that I'm talented so I write for them. You quit singing…" I change the topic. I don't expect an explanation, I was nothing but his playmate. Still, he surprises me as a smile is forming on his lips.

"I did. I got tired of that life and all the masquerade… I didn't have inspiration anymore!" he shrugs. Well, he's changed. At least in mind…

"That's bad but I'm sure that Tomoe is happy that you have more freetime!" I try to cheer a bit, without mentioning our little ministrations together. Not that I see reason to do that. He looks fine. A little too thin but fine.

His face is hardening and I know that I made a mistake. Was it mentioning Tomoe's name?

"We are not together." He says. I can't hear any sadness or regret in his voice nor I see those on his face. Though he could easily pretend that he doesn't feel anything, he has been master in it! And I'm not going to pry, we were not that close and now we're certainly strangers to each others.

"You? It's been almost ten years. Do you have a husband? Children?" Is he curious? Weird, Battousai was never one who was interested in others' lives. Not this much, anyway…

I consider answering. I don't want anyone's pity, certainly not his. Still, he's the reason why I'm like this now so I guess it's fine for him to know how my past has ruined my future. Well, at least my private life—my boss doesn't give a shit about my past activities.

"Eight." I correct him. I left him eight years and two months ago. "Neither. No one wants to marry an ex-prostitute, even less if they know that I was Battousai's little whore…" the words are sharper than I intended them to be but I had to tell him that. I expect an angry remark at my outburst. Instead of that, I get a shameful expression but he's not saying what I think I would hear.

"I should say that I'm sorry and that I regretted it but that would be a lie…"

"What do you mean?" I gape at him. Okay, maybe he's still the same. Asshole!

"You helped me, even if I didn't show you too much gratefulness. I only feel regret that I didn't pay you enough attention and made you fled."

That's new! And he looks into my eyes too, meaning every word. I don't doubt his honesty. That was the thing that made people hate him and his music. Because he was brutally honest to everyone and everything, not caring about their status or the consequences.

"Glad to know that. And I'm happy that you still know my face and that you told me all this." We are both silent, in an awkward way. I guess there's nothing to say anymore so I should leave. Smiling at him I look in to his eyes. "it was good to see you. I'm going now. Ugh…Farewell, Battousai!"

"Kenshin." He says as I'm passing him. I stop in mid-step, looking at him closely with a raised eyebrow. He understands my unsaid question. "My real name's Kenshin."

"Kenshin…" I try it. I never knew his given name. before I could think, my right hand moves on its own and the tips of my fingers are brushing his eyebrow, then his face, where his scar is. "It suits you… thank you for telling…"

I snap out of my momentarily trance and quickly step away from him, to a polite distance. Then with a light bow, I turn my back to him and walk away. After I'm sure he can't see behind a corner, I stop and take a huge breath. It was a shock…

"Kaoru!" I hear my name and then Batt… Kenshin is standing in front of me again.

"Yes?"

"I know that it's been eight years and back then I wasn't the kindest person but… I'd like to keep in touch with you. If that is okay. Is it?"

I stare at him, unable to find my voice. Have I heard him right?

He takes my silence in the wrong way. "Sorry, I'm asking too much… I understand…"

"Do you really? I don't think so. I am just surprised… I'd like to spend some time with you too!" I smile at him. Is that relief in his eyes?

"Can I have your number then?" he asks.

I ask his cell and type the numbers quickly. Without thinking, I give him my address too. Before I could save my name he takes his phone back and doing it himself. When I finally realize what I have done, it's too late. Thinking it over quickly, I don't mind that he has both.

"Thank you." He smiles and tucks the small machine into his jeans pocket. Speaking of jeans, he wears casual clothes and they look good on him. Not to mention, they are not black but blue, and his shirt is white. He's watching as I check him out, and the next moment, he's leaning to me, kissing my cheek. "I'll call you!"

I watch him slowly disappear among the crowd. Maybe eight years ago he was rough and knew my body, this kiss was new, and almost shy. I guess that it was more intimate than all of our games in bed. He's changed but some of his habits are still there. Like the need to control. Still, I have to give him a chance. If I don't then I would be like those who rejected me because of my past.

Maybe in time, we could be friends. I can learn how to trust him. He may even make it up to me, all those painful experiences. Who am I to deny him a second chance? Life has given us an opportunity to repair our relationship and I guess neither of us is stupid enough to throw it away.

So this is is!Please tell me what you think!and right now, i'm struggling with Sibling secret but i just don't feel like i'm going anywhere with the story...still, I'm trying, so bear with me and i am going to come up with the next chapter within the weekend!

See ya!

Wolvera


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